I have been home, in Oregon, for four days. Two of those days have seen nights of over-eating. 50% of my time I have been over-eating (not including Thanksgiving).
I have come to this realision…this self-admittance, that Food is…..
- The thing I turn to when in a new place…it’s familiar
- The thing I turn to when I am in a social situation that is uncomfortable…a safety-net
- The thing I turn to when I am alone…it’s comfort
- The thing that I am known for…baking, feeding…it’s my identity
- The thing which I struggle with
- The thing I punish myself with
- The relationship which has been the most tumultuous thing I have ever been invested in
I have realised that I turn to food, especially when changing environments, facing stress or in social situations. It hit me while I was driving my car today, Food is my DRUG of choice. Some people turn to alcohol, cocaine, sex, exercise, sleep, etc.
I turn to food.
I say this…with a light heart. I am not beating myself up. I am just saying, I am Michelle and I turn to food. I am just admitting where I am.
It’s not about me turning to food, it’s how much I eat, what I eat, and what my intentions are. It’s like saying ‘Honey, we need to work on our relationship/sex life/communication.’ I am working on my food sex life…it just isn’t working for me anymore and I am tried of leaving unsatisfied.
I stand here to say, that I am going to find a new position with food. I will continue to engage, but I WILL leave satisfied.