I went to my pysch appointment this week and had my second round of EMDR — and I can tell you that it’s radically changing my life.
The challenge that I see with my recovery is that I don’t know what I’m ‘quantifiably’ recovered as a food addict.
If I was an alcoholic, drug user, porn watcher — I could say that it was from when I didn’t have any of it / watched any of it.
But I can’t do that as a food addict, can I?
Is it when I do a 12 step program and earn top marks?
Is it when I write a food diary and and have no episodes of a ‘binge’ which is either define by me or someone treating me?
Is it when I follow a program in a controlled environment and am deemed healed?
Where you are focusing on ‘weight-loss’ as one of the most important indicators of a binge eating recovery program.
I don’t know the answer. I don’t. Because food addiction is messier, it’s not ‘black & white’ and surprisingly (I was surprised) it affects DOUBLE the amount of people compared to anorexia and bulimia.
As I drove home after my EMDR session which saw some deep deep deep and radical healing I knew that my live and my message had to be for the 1:35 people who suffer quietly with Binge Eating Disorder (BED). To be a voice for people who are told to follow a restrictive dieting regime, to adhere to punitive programs and who are often not treated with proper treatment.
It’s long. It’s complicated. It’s messy.
I guess for me on this journey my recovery looks like a constant weave of science / treatment & faith.
The moment (I can pinpoint it each time) when my faith is zapped by work, life or personal stress I go back to food.
Food has been love for me.
Food has been escape for my when it comes to rejection.
Food has been the high I was craving when I felt awful.
Dieting / Diets / Restriction was the control I needed so I felt ok.
Dieting / Diets / Restrictions were momentary markers of ‘being good’ and ‘worth’.
As I journey deeply in this season of understanding my brain, deepening my faith and calling out the deep mis-understandings of ‘Binge Eating Disorders’ I want you to know that I don’t know what ‘recovered’ looks like for me right now.
I don’t know if my addict brain will ever be totally ‘healed’ and I am becoming radically ok with that.
I think it’s more about what does ‘remission’ look like for me?
What is it in my life that allows me to be beautifully in remission?
How can I be a voice for the secret life of being a binge eater?
I want to share with you a resource to perhaps help you shift some of the pressing demands in your life. The ones causing
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