I woke up this morning and decided that I really wanted to ‘nest’ in my life. 2018 was just such a hectic year. We renovated our house, I traveled overseas twice, we put our house on the market, I started two new jobs and overhauled my coaching business. Oh and my husband started a new job — and we go a puppy.
I guess that things that is pulling me in, is just that. Being present in my life. Pulling the red onions up from the garden and eating them with chicken at lunch.
It dovetails with a lot of introspection at the moment. The conscious decision to choose the word ‘LISTEN’ as my guiding light for 2019. I think that we have a lot of ingrained subconscious patterns which pull us away from truly listening — to ourselves, our faith, our children, our partners, our friends, our co-workers.
I haven’t listened for a long time. I pushed. I hustled. I cajoled. I ‘made it happen’.
I rang my mom, as I was in the midst of making homemade ketchup and said to her “this is the first time that I’ve wanted to come home after being away in almost a year. I get what content feels like now for most people.”
The hot tears blistered down my face as the thermomix was stirring and my grey robe covered me from the chill of the unusually cool morning during summer.
I didn’t realise how exhausting that past year(s) has/have been. The constant state of transformation, evolution, pushing forwad, defining and re-defining who I am on the online world — in my real world. Tiring. Bone numbing-ly exhausting at times.
But it’s so often what we are fed, especially as female entrepreneurs. Go further, do more, be more expansive, more impactful, more more more.
And sometimes those seasons are worth it. The grind, the true fire in your belly — it actually makes you feel alive. Until it doesn’t. Until the moment that the fire of passion turns into the fire of conformity, comparison, fame, money, and prestige.
What I do know, is that how I want to show up online, in-person, on a platform with a mic pack and bright lights — needs to be as transparent and authentic across all spaces.
I am me.
So as I picked those three red onions in my grey rob, my husbands Birkenstocks and danced around in my kitchen splattering red ketchup everywhere — I knew that at the core of who I am — is the core of how I want to show up.