This has been an intense week for me. I have left work, for a business trip, at a not so great time as I have a pretty big event that I have coming up in two weeks. I am trying to organise and mobilise students without making them feel like I am doing all of the work. I am doing it without tons of support from others…a lot of it is in my head..which is really my fault.
I had to say good-bye..temporarily to someone who I care about.
I am rebounding (lost weight) to some pretty crappy weeks.
But the thing which I have learned, deeply, is that I have to live in the moment. I was staying at girls house who is struggling with the ’20 year old, OMG what am I going to do with my life’ issues (they never subside, we just learn how to deal with them more). Anyways, ‘The Power of NOW’ was on her bookshelf with a marker about 20 pages in…looks like she didn’t get too far in it. I started reading it, because I realise that I am a bloody s case. Here’s what runs through my head all the time
- I didn’t eat how I should have, tomorrow
- I wont be able to finish the race (that I am running Sunday week)
- What if he breaks up with me?
- What if I am not pretty/skinny/smart/sophisticated enough?
- Should I be living so far from my family?
- Just one more bite wont kill me…will it?
- Am I doing everything that I can for the big project?
- What if my big project fails?
- Am I pleasing him?
- BE IN THE MOMENT DAMN IT!
See…I am one of the crazies that can’t silence the voices inside of my head..pretty much like everyone else in the world. Here’s some interesting things that I think could be of help to people who are dieting, evaluating their life, etc. These are excerpts from ‘The Power of NOW: A guide to spiritual enlightment’ By: Eckhart Tolle 2005
Not being able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal.
The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind. […] Start listening to the voice inside of your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years.
When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door.
As I was plowing through this book on the train I had to hold myself back from 1. crying 2. not getting distracted by the thoughts which have consumed me throughout my life and have spawned up recently due to different changes in my life..all of which are great but have tapped into my thinking patterns.
Your mind is an instrument, a tool. It is there to be used for a specific task, and when that task is completed, you lat it down. As it is, I would say about 80 to 90 percent of most people’s thinking is not only repetitive and useless, but because of its dysfunctional and often negative nature, much of it is also harmful.
If I read the above bullets of the ‘thoughts’ which run through my mind I can not link on to anything positive. Nothing that runs through my mind is positive. It isn’t
- The big event will be great
- Even if there aren’t things that work people are going to enjoy it
- I am enjoying the relationship that I have right now
- I am happy with the way that I look
- I really enjoyed that chocolate piece of cake
- The race is going to be a huge success, because I am going to be doing something for myself regardless
- Wow, I am enjoying life right now
None of those above things are running through my head…never!
In order to find the peace, where you are in a state of being, which he defines in the book, where you are an observer of your thoughts and get to a place where you don’t put energy into the negative thoughts you can start by
taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it your fullest attention, so that it becomes an end itself.
For me that basically means my whole damn day.
- Waking up, being present in that moment of getting my body ready
- Being deliberate about my time with people
- Being deliberate about getting work done
- Actually TASTING MY FOOD
- LISTENING TO MY BODY
- I am sitting here at the airport after eating a subway salad..good on me for not getting the nasty bread (but really it’s Subway so again low standard) and I am not all that hungry. I know that I am going to get ‘fed’ on the plane..but I need to listen to my body. The thing is that I would normally eat the food because I would think, OMG if I don’t eat I might starve…yes of course that’s likely. It’s changing how I think about everything.
I am not perfect. I never will be. But as I continue to read through this book, I’ll keep updating you. The power of living in the moment will impact all of our journeys in everything..its impossible to deny. It honestly scares me to let go of the thinking…it’s almost like a drug, a companion. I don’t want to have to be with me solely…but I have to to be with someone else, to achieve my goals and use my limited time.