I was making vegetable soup today…a staple when I’ve eaten too much during the day and don’t really feel like dinner. My grandma goes ‘can I have some of your soup?’. To which I responded ‘it’s pretty bland, it’s really not all that great.’ Then she goes ‘food doesn’t need to have all the sparkle too it all the time, food is only meant to keep you from straving’.
1. Is she right?
2. As I sat and ate my bland less soup and tuna with spinach, with vinegar dressing I thought to myself ‘do I actually enjoy what I eat on a normal basis?’
3. Are my binges brought on by the fact that what I eat is boring, and all tasting the same?
4. Do I actually enjoy the food that I eat?
Today I had another binge day. I am not as upset about it..well actually I should be. It’s my weigh-in day. I didn’t starve myself, run this morning or even cut off fluids all day yesterday as I normally would have done. Considering that I’ve had about four binge days in the past seven and I didn’t purposefully dehyderate myself and starve myself as I normally would, the 6.4lb or 2.9kg gain could have been a lot worse. I know..it’s a lot of weight and frankly I want to kick myself.
I decided today not to beat myself up over it. I actually do feel disgusting right now. It’s not because I binged on carrots and apples. It’s because I binged on shit. I wonder if I am binging on shitty foods because I feel as though what I am eating isn’t all that great.
I shall endeavour to hold out and make the food which I know is food for me taste good. Not bland less vegetable soup or boring tuna. I don’t agree with my grandmother. Food should be more than just a starvation avoidance tactic, it should be enjoyed. In fact, food is there to fuel our bodies and bring us joy.