Today was Christmas. Today is the last day I am going to consume sugar. Today is the day that I have to really start my restrictive diet.
I am pissed
I am depressed
I am so annoyed
The diet which I am most likely going to have to be on for the rest of my life due to my intestinal hoopla is the following:
No fresh veg
No fresh fruit–except for bananas and some citrus fruits..no berries, apples, coconut, etc.
No wholemeal anything–so white gluten free bread and gluten free pasta no whole meal
No nuts, seeds, popcorn, corn, etc.
Limited if no alcohol
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT?
I love food. I love it. I love cooking it. I love experimenting, etc.
I feel like I am going to be stifled. I ate M & Ms today because I felt like revolting. This is not a good mental game to be in. I can’t keep ‘revolting’ against my body because I am pissed because I can’t eat it.
It was bloody Christmas today and I honestly would have only been able to eat the meat that was served.
I am just sad. I am just sad about it all.
I have always said that I need to give up sugar, and honestly I have to. It makes my stomach upset, I put on so much weight when I have it in my body and I feel like I am in a coma when I eat it. The problem is that I haven’t found a way to bake without eating what I bake. It just sucks. It’s not fair. I didn’t ask to have intestinal problems which now have completely limited my whole entire diet. I didn’t ask for this. Of all people..why me? Why do I have to deal with this crap? It just sucks.
Honestly, I feel like crap right now. I tried to steer away from everything. Even the whole adage of ‘it’s not good for your body’ didn’t work today. I was just revolting like a teenager against their parents.
So, it’s RIP to my old life. I guess it gives me the chance to be a pioneer for those who suffer from really restrictive diets to give them hope that eggs and gluten free bread is what they’ll live off of.
Merry Christmas..hope you’re enjoying the sugar cookies for me.