Wow! I can’t believe it’s been 10 days. Today is Ainslie’s due date…I reckon this kid is gonna be ahead of the game…keepin’ us on our toes.
I read through Jenna’s post about the first couple of weeks and I really appreciated it.
Everyone told me about the hormone fluctuation those first few days home from the hospital so I thought I was prepared…but woah! Some serious hormone swings were happening. One minute I felt like I was on top of the world and blissfully happy and the next minute I was crying for absolutely no reason at the dinner table. So crazy.
There have been days where I have literally been feeding Ainslie, watching TV, and all of the sudden I’m in a heap of tears. They say that one of the theories behind the nighttime ‘witching hour’ is for babies to be able to re-start their brains. Well, I feel like daily I’m having to re-start my brain. It’s exhausting, exhilarating and overwhelming. So much of what you think that you’ll know about parenting, you don’t know. So much of it comes from the place deep down inside of you that you find when you don’t think there’s an OUNCE of anything left in you. You scroll through online boards during night-time feeds to see if you’re not alone in your worry, question or thoughts about being a new mama.
love these from Talitha
The love is something fierce and I have to remind myself to sit back and enjoy it all.
Sometimes it’s easy to try and compartmentalise things, to try and make them neat n’ tidy for everyone. To insure that you’re child isn’t screaming the house down at the grocery store, or the doctors office, etc. Then you have to just let it go. Let it go so hard core, that you realise that beyond the perfection of it all is something really special. I’ve had to remind myself, well I had to cry at our osteopaths’ office, and then pray outloud that I would just ENJOY this time with her. That I wouldn’t squeeze the beauty of it all out, because I wanted it to be something else. Something other than it was. Even when we’re up at all hours of the night praying that her little burp or fart would happen so she’s not screaming with wind pain….I have to just remind myself that parenting is messy, it’s not scripted and we’re doing our damndest.
So much in life is really about letting go and just being in the moment. I have had to learn and re-learn this lesson over and over again. This time it feels more profound, that there’s more at stake if I don’t just embrace this. She’s only this little once and parenting is a wild ride that I’m learning to just go with it. I’ve always felt that she was a blessing, some sort of deep soul cleansing process from the very beginning.
Happy due date Baby Girl.